Nearly Perfect Pumpkin Puree

Brad
3 min readNov 21, 2023

Because I detest canned pumpkin

I don’t know when my hatred of canned pumpkin began, but it must have started a long time ago…perhaps around the same time of my animosity towards Circus Peanuts.

Maybe it was the first time I saw the dark orange glob, a gelatinous terror from the utter Stygian recesses of space, which emerged from the deceptively happily labeled can with a sickening “Schhhhlooorrp” that could turn the strongest person’s stomach.

From that day whence, I swore to never use canned pumpkin. What follows is a recipe to make your own pumpkin puree from fresh pie pumpkins. It may appear daunting, but I hope that I can transfer my wisdom (?) and experience so that you can free yourself from the Lovecraftian nightmare that is canned pumpkin!

  1. The first step is to obtain a Pie Pumpkin (sometimes called a Sweet or Sugar Pumpkin). They look like this:
A group of pie (or sweet) pumpkins in a basket.
Image of Pie (or Sweet) Pumpkins by Ladyheart on MorgueFile (https://morguefile.com/p/988098)

They can be found at your local supermarket, a Home Depot or a farmer’s market. Each pie pumpkin can make about two cups of puree. Make sure they are firm, or at most slightly soft when you press in on it.

  1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit (or about 176 Celsius).

2. Break off the pumpkin’s stem — either cut it off, or pull a Hercules and bend it over, twisting and yanking to the left…

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Brad

This is what I do: I drink and I write things.