Embarrassing and True Stories — Part One (How to be free from the pee)

I should’ve turned into a serial killer — according to several psychological studies. I’m a white male, and I’d wet my bed since I was at least eight years old.

I hated it and every time it happened, I was mortified to wake in a soaking wet puddle. This happened at home and when I would spend nights sleeping over at a friend’s house. Can’t say I got many invites! I dreaded and feared spending overnight — lest I humiliate myself by pissing in the sleeping bag or spare bed.

I couldn’t help it. Going to the bathroom before bed didn’t help either — and each time the end result was feeling deeply ashamed.

A pee alarm — because what child suffering bedwetting doesn’t want an ear-piercing alarm to point out their “mistake”?!?

I’m glad that my parents never got a urine alert like the one pictured above. Because no child ever wanted a screeching alarm that points out that they had wet the bed! If that didn’t turn them into serial killers, nothing would.

My salvation arrived in the form of an Ann Landers advice column in the early 1980’s. I often read the advice columns and one day, someone had written into “Dear Ann Landers” about wetting the bed. Her advice saved me — Ms. Eppie Lederer told the letter-writer the following step(s) (and I’m paraphrasing, so I hope this makes sense!):

• When peeing, let out a bit then stop the flow.